There's a non-zero chance that the mosquito that just bit you will get trapped in amber and some future civilization will extract your blood and clone you

My right hand has never touched my right elbow

Do professional golfers look forward to golfing once they retire?

Eye brows are just mustaches for your eyes

It’s 2020 and no cereal company has packaged their cereal in a zip lock bag

The only part of your reflection you can lick is your tongue

If you Uber eats a Digiorno pizza it’s delivery and digiorno

Pavlov probably thought about feeding his dogs every time he heard a bell ring

Left handed people push their pencils, while right handed people pull their pencils

It is possible we have drank water and breathed air that passed through the bodies of Socrates, Napoleon, and George Washington

Your salary is your company's monthly subscription fee of you

We’ve been catching fish using the same trick for centuries and they’ve never learned their lesson

We really only shape dog treats like bones so that humans know what they are

Maybe experiencing your life flashing before your eyes before you die is your body uploading it's consciousness to the matrix before going offline

We've reached an oddly secure place as a species when we're rooting for the number of tigers and lions in nature to increase

Cooking products are sold by saying they can help you cook "restaurant quality" meals, but restaurants get you to come in by saying they have "Homestyle" cooking

On a clock, the minute hand and hour hand never overlap during the 11th hour

If you're alone and you peel and eat an orange, you will be the only person in the history of the universe to ever see the inside of that orange

Since nuts are technically fruits, trail mix is technically a fruit salad