by Kate Murphy
Value is placed on what you project rather than what you absorb —> this leads to adverse outcomes
"No man ever listened himself out of a job" // Calvin Coolidge
To listen poorly is to limit your understanding and deprive yourself of becoming what you could be
People get lonely for lack of listening
“If I really listened to the people in my life, I’d have to face the fact that I detest most of them”
In a culture infused with existential angst and aggressive personal marketing, to be sent is to fall behind. To listen is to miss an opportunity to advance your brand and make your mark
If you start listening to everyone as you would scab headlines on a celebrity gossip website, you won’t discover the poetry and wisdom that is within people
The goal of listening is understanding
When you truly listen, your brain waves begin to sync with the speaker. “Being on the same wavelength” — Kahneman and Tversky embodied this principle. Their wives complained their relationship was deeper than their respective marriages.
Those who grow up with attentive caregivers are more secure in their existence and are less fearful / anxious about losing attention
What makes us feel most lonely and isolated in life is less often the result of a devastating traumatic event than the accumulation of occasions when nothing happened but something profitably could have
People who listen with an end in mind are not truly listening, their inauthenticity will be sniffed out sooner or later
“Everyone is born a scientist. It’s just unfortunate that with a lot of people it gets beat out of them”
“The obvious took off my trade is the tape recorder, but the real tool is curiosity”